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Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke
Ya gotta understand
It’s just our bringin’ upke
That gets us outta hand
Our mothers all are junkies
Our fathers all are drunks
Golly Moses naturally we’re punks
Gee, Officer Krupke, we’re very upset
We never had the love that every child oughta get
We ain’t no delinquents
We’re misunderstood
Deep down inside us there is good!
There is good!
There is good, there is good
There is untapped good
Like inside, the worse of us is good
[TALKING]
Oh that’s a touchin’ good story
Lemme tell it to the world
Just tell it to the Judge
[END OF TALKING]
Dear kindly Judge, your Honor
My parents treat me rough
With all their marijuana
They won’t give me a puff
They didn’t wanna have me
But somehow I was had
Leapin’ lizards –that’s what I’m so bad!
Right!
Officer Krupke, you’re really a square
This boy don’t need a judge
He needs a analysis’s care!
It’s just his neurosis that oughta be curbed
He’s psychologically disturbed
I’m disturbed!
We’re disturbed, we’re disturbed
We’re the most disturbed
Like we’re psychologically disturbed
[TALKING]
Hear ye, Hear ye, Hear ye!
In the opinion of this court
The boy’s depraved
On account he ain’t had a normal home
Hey, I’m depraved on account I’m deprived!
So take this boy to a headshrinker
You!
No no…
Why not?
[END OF THE TALK]
My father is a bastard
My Ma’s an S.O.B
My Grandpa’s always plastered
My Grandma pushes tea
My sister wears a mustache
My brother wears a dress
Goodness Gracious, that’s why I’m a mess!
Yes!
Officer Krupke, you’re really a slob
This boy don’t need a doctor, just a good honest job.
Society’s played him a terrible trick
And sociologically he’s sick!
I am sick!
We are sick, we are sick
We are sick sick sick
Like we’re sociologically sick!
[TALKING]
In my professional opinion, what we got here is a (???) juvenile delinquent
And Juvenile delinquency is a
Social disease
Ew Diesel ya got a social disease?
Bring him to a social worker!
Hey can I catch it by touch in’ it?
[END OF THE TALK]
Dear kindly social worker
They say go own a buck
Like be a soda-jerker
Which means like be a schmunck
It’s not I’m anti-social
I’m only anti-work
Gloryosky, that’s why I’m a jerk!
Eek!
Officer Krupke, you’ve done it again
This boy don’t need a job, he needs a yearly in the pen
It ain’t just a question of misunderstood;
Deep down inside him, he’s no good!
I’m no good!
We’re no good, we’re no good
We’re no earthly good
Like the best of us is no damn good!
[TALKING]
The trouble is he’s crazy
The trouble is he drinks
The trouble is he’s lazy
The trouble is he stinks
The trouble is he’s growing
The trouble is he’s grown!
[END OF THE TALK]
Krupke, we got troubles of our own!
Gee, Officer Krupke
We’re down on our knees
‘Cause no one wants a fella with
A social disease
Gee, Officer Krupke
What are we to do?
Gee, Officer Krupke —